You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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