Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
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Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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