Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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