I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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