Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
