I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize