The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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