there was a trapeze. enough said
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
