i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
