oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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