Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
