you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
