idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
