apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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