I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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