We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Pants are for mortals
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