just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
