i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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