i would punch a child for taco bell
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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