Don't make out with my wife yet
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.