is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want to make out with him forever
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch