she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.