You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
