Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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