false alarm. still invincible.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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