if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
