Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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