ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
