I'm really into asian looking animals
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
