he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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