I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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