I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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