Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
