Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
