I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
