Can i not drive my cunt home
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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