I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
