what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
