You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
