I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
