He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
