Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
