Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
