Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
