The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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