Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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