Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
