i just wanna soil my oats bro
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
