I have demons in me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
