Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
