I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
