We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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