The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
