oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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