I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
