its not stalking. its research.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
