Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
