it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
