On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
