and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
